Alan’s Blog of Monkey Bloginess

According to The Onion, meat is America’s no. 2 condiment. What people want topped on their food is meat. Particularly, this is what it had to say about bacon:

Johanns cited the rise of bacon as a condiment as the most universal example of this trend. “By 2015, our researchers predict bacon alone will supplant condiments as diverse as mustard and Worcestershire sauce,” Johanns said. “Crumbled ‘bacon bits’ are a classic addition to salads, and in recent years, slabs of bacon are increasingly used to wrap vegetables, fruits, and seafood. Adding bacon as a topping to cheeseburgers is old news, but now we are seeing bacon-topped meatloaf, bacon-covered chicken wings, and deep-fried, bacon-wrapped bacon sprinkled on pork chops.”

To prove this point, let’s take a look at the top 5 Bacon Food Stuffs that take bacony-goodness to the next level.

Gummy Bacon

This is not really made out of bacon as it’s gummy candy made to resemble bacon. The idea of visually putting uncooked bacon in your mouth and then experiencing the taste & texture of gummy strawberry is disturbing to say the least. I’ve been given a package of Gummy Bacon, and I am not ashamed to say that I was too scared to eat it. I did not want to taint the idea of bacon in my head with this monstrosity of culinary science. A braver soul than I may be able to stomach the beast.

order Gummy Bacon

Baconnaise

I don’t like mayonnaise, but the idea of adding bacon to it makes a bit more palatable. The taste of bacon makes everything better, so I don’t see how this would be an exception. If it’s good enough to put mayonnaise on, it’s good enough to put bacon on! Though I wouldn’t necessarily hold the inverse to be true.

baconnaise.com

Bacon Salt

Add the flavor of bacon to any meal with a simple flick of the wrist. Bacon flavored salt is the easiest way to improve the flavor of your foods. Bacon-flavored french fries. Bacon-flavored popcorn! BACON-FLAVORED BACON! The culinary possibilities abound with bacon salt. If you can add a little bit of salt, then you can add a hint of bacon. Getting your sodium for the day never tasted so good.

baconsalt.com

Bacon Jam

Spreadable bacon. Did you ever think you’d see such an amazing food product. The first thing that comes to my mind: peanut butter & bacon sandwiches. Can you imagine a lunch-time offering that would make a child more popular in the schoolyard? You’ll probably need to pack your munchkin two: one for him or her, and one for the school bully who’ll undoubtedly want to jack such a succulent sounding meal. At $17 for an 8oz. jar, the stuff ain’t cheap, so you may want to make your own.

order bacon jam
make your own bacon jam

Bacon Candy Bar

Chocolate & bacon. Sweet & salty. Flavor combinations that may not sound too keen at first, but really play off of the palate. The packaging contains a lovely story about the creator’s love of bacon and chocolate and the story of how the two came to meet. If it were an eHarmony commercial, bacon and chocolate would match on 27 of their 29 dimensions of compatibility. Perhaps bacon & eggs are the only worthier couple in the bacoverse.

order Mo’s Milk Chocolate Bacon Bar

This is the first design I’ve added to Urban Gibbon in a year and a half. It’s a simple but powerful design that states “wake ‘n’ bacon”. I’m hoping to get a bunch of new designs up. Very many of them bacon themed.

The best part of waking up is bacon in your gut. Let your intentions be known as you stumble into the kitchen. First things first: bacon. View Products

Purchasing products through Urban Gibbon is a great way to help support this weblog. But more to the point, increasing bacon appreciation and awareness is of great social and political importance.