Alan’s Blog of Monkey Bloginess

A note before we get started: I have software 1.2 and have not used the nook with any previous versions of the interface software. I’ve read a lot about the previous versions’ shortcomings, but I approach the nook’s software and responsiveness as a newcomer.

So last Tuesday I got my first e-Ink eReader and Android-powered device: a Barnes & Noble nook. I had been anxiously awaiting its arrival and have greatly enjoyed my initial time with it. It’s not without its quirks and shortcomings, but the experience has been overall fantastic.

I’m not a big reader. It’s not to say I don’t enjoy stories, but that I find paper books to be cumbersome and inconvenient. I’ve used every portable device I’ve ever owned to read eBooks in an attempt to find the perfect paper replacement: Sony Clie, Nintendo DS, iPod, iPhone, laptop, netbook. They all suffered from one of three issues: (1) too large and bulky to carry around, (2) too small to read, and/or (3) staring at a light source to read causes eye strain after several hours. First and foremost, none of these devices were designed with eBooks in mind. But with the rise in dedicated eReading hardware using e-Ink displays, my lifelong quest of a good paper replacement for reading has finally been realized.

Where the first part of my life can be remarkable because I can count all of the novels I’ve read (and finished) on a single set of fingers and toes, the next phase will likely be notable for the amount of literature I’ve discovered and enjoyed.

e-Ink You Say?

Have you witnessed first hand what it’s like to read on an e-Ink display? No? Do you know what it’s like reading a book while staring into a light bulb? It’s nothing like that. You’ll get an experience very reminiscent of reading ink on paper as compared to reading on a computer screen – a light source.

Though all the eReader devices use the same screen. So if you’ve seen one, you’ve seen ‘em all. If you haven’t had a chance to see an e-Ink display in person, then you should head to your local Barnes & Noble to see a nook in action, or check out any major electronics retailer to see Sony’s eReader displays for screen demos.

Two Screens Are The New Black

What sets the nook apart from many other eReaders on the market is its use of a secondary color touch screen to facilitate the majority of the navigation throughout the device. Nintendo started a trend with the DS for having a dual-screen device with a touch screen, and using a nook after years of owning a DS felt very natural.

The bottom, touch screen turns off after a predefined set of time to (1) save battery power and (2) to not distract you from the real reason to use this device: reading books on the e-Ink screen. The time can be adjusted in the Settings area, as can the brightness level. In the week I’ve been using it, the only complaint I have is that I wish there was a button to explicitly turn it off when done and ready to read; having to always wait for it to time-out is not ideal.

Where To Get eBooks

Barnes & Noble
Obviously, the first place you’ll want to get books with the Barnes & Noble nook is from Barnes & Noble. At least that’s what the brick & mortar store is hoping. And it’s likely true, but that doesn’t mean it’s the only place to get books to read on your nook. Barnes & Noble, in the interest of selling a consumer-friendly device at the potential cost of vendor lock-in, has been gracious enough to release a device that accepts various formats including open formats.

Barnes & Noble still has a secret ace up its sleeve for cheapo readers (like me, I don’t like to spend a lot on books. At least not at the moment): Google Books. There are 500,000 free public domain books available in the Barnes & Noble eBook store provided by Google Books. Good luck finding them, though, as I believe whenever there is a version of the book by a publisher, that is displayed because I’ve found many public domain books for $9.99 where there are free versions available in Google Books if you go through Google directly. Which brings us to…

Free Public-Domain and Creative Commons Books
Public-domain is the rule, and copyright is the exception. That’s the model creative works are suppose to exist under in the United States. There is a great deal of amazing literature that is actually free for everyone to enjoy, and there are websites dedicated to providing these works in your format of choice at no cost. In addition to these works that form the foundation of our culture, there are contemporary authors who distribute their work without copyright and make it available through these sites as well. Some great sites for getting free content viewable on the nook are:

Google Books
Project Gutenberg
Feedbooks
epubBooks

Your Local Library
Believe it or not, but your local library may end up being your best friend with the nook. For example, the Denver Public Library, where I have a membership, has eBook lending in the ePub and PDF formats, both of which are supported by the nook. DPL uses Adobe Digital Editions to manage its DRM, and the nook supports Adobe DRM on ePub and PDF formats. In exchange for some of my tax dollars, I can check out books at no additional cost when a licensing slot is available. With DPL, I can checkout up to 20 eBooks at a time for up to 21 days each. The Adobe Digital Editions program supports the nook and will recognize one that is connected and authorized with the computer. Open your checked-out eBooks in the Adobe Digital Editions program, and simply drag & drop the books onto your nook.

Make Your Own
Since the nook supports the open ePub format, which is an XML-based format, you can convert your own files into eBooks to display on the nook. The nook does not support plain text files, but converting various types of files into ePub files is fairly easy with the proper tools. Check out this tutorial. Personally I’m finding the Windows and Linux versions of Sigil to be the best ePub creation tools with the power of a lightweight WYSIWYG editor. And Sigil is free open-source software.

Connecting The nook

Connecting the nook to a Windows or Linux PC (sorry, no Mac here for testing) is easy. Connecting the nook via the provided USB cable brings up the nook’s 2GB internal memory as a USB drive with folders already set-up for audiobooks, B&N downloads, documents, music, screensavers, and wallpaper. If you install a MicroSD card, then that card will appear as a separate USB drive, so that you can transfer files to the nook or the MicroSD card.

When you add files to the nook, you’ll need to update the library afterwards. Also, the nook’s interface does not categorize content, so the folders are for your benefit only; the nook scans the internal and MicroSD drives for all content to display in your library, and drops it all in one bucket in the interface. Well two, all ePub & PDF files will be shown in the documents area of your library, and all MP3s will be playable through a single playlist in the music player.

Wallpapers and screensavers are the only folders that maintain significance. Add single images to wallpapers and the image will be available in the Settings area to change your nook’s wallpaper. Add a folder of images to the screensaver folder and the name of that folder will appear as a screensaver option in Settings.

For connecting the nook to Wifi, that was significantly easier than previous reviews have led on. Gone are the days of manually entering network IDs, it seems, because my nook automatically found my home network and identified its security type. I only needed to select the network and enter my password. Usually, the built-in free 3G connection to AT&T wireless will be more than enough to satisfy any wireless needs.

What I Want

I really enjoy using the nook, but it’s not perfect. Most of the issues I have with it are software-based and hopefully could be addressed with updates and not requiring me to get new hardware.

• TXT File Support - Not that I particularly have a super strong need for support for TXT files, it just feels particularly weird that the nook does not read TXT files, and for the TXT files I would like to put on my nook, converting them to PDF or ePub is total overkill.
• Book & Music Categories/Folders - Putting books and music in file directories on the nook does nothing for organizing the media actually on the device. This makes using audiobooks useless if you ever want to listen to music. Playlists would also be a nice feature for organizing music to play in the background while reading.
• Special Audiobook/Podcast Player - listening to audiobooks and listening to MP3s are slightly different affairs. Primarily an audiobook should remember where in the audio you left off, much like a book will remember a page number, even if you play other audio files before returning. This audiobook player would also serve well as a Podcast player.
• RSS Reader with Internet feeds - an RSS reader to pull in news from any RSS source would be a great feature of the nook and make the Daily section something worth using.
• Text-to-Speech Reader - Yes, text-to-speech readers are lousy. But something is better than nothing. Add in an ability to swap back and forth between reading and speaking, and the nook would become the ultimate road warrior tool for keeping sane on long driving trips.

Wrap Up

And so there you have it. I’ve had my nook for a week, and I’m loving it. It’s re-opened a world of reading for me because it’s much more accessible and convenient. It’s brought to fruition a long-time desire for me to have tech fill in the issues I have with printed literature.

My biggest gripe is with book publishers sabotaging eBook pricing for their own misguided desire to prop-up hardcover book sales. Most new books are $9.99, as with Amazon, but publishers are starting push on booksellers to get eBook prices set closer to $12.99-14.99 without adding any additional features when they should be able to drop the price with increased demand and sales. As a new customer (I usually spent less than $20 a year on books before getting my nook. The two books I’ve purchased so far through Barnes & Noble have been older releases and were about $5 each) who could be tempted to buy eBooks if they were priced fairly, their desire to want me to purchase hardcover versions will inevitably drive me to download public domain and creative commons licensed literature and support writers who give away their work in exchange for exposure and self-satisfaction. Or seek to read newer and copyright restricted books through the library system.

And if they continue pushing and limiting options and choices, while pushing to drive up prices past reasonable levels, there’s always the torrent sites and P2P networks.

According to The Onion, meat is America’s no. 2 condiment. What people want topped on their food is meat. Particularly, this is what it had to say about bacon:

Johanns cited the rise of bacon as a condiment as the most universal example of this trend. “By 2015, our researchers predict bacon alone will supplant condiments as diverse as mustard and Worcestershire sauce,” Johanns said. “Crumbled ‘bacon bits’ are a classic addition to salads, and in recent years, slabs of bacon are increasingly used to wrap vegetables, fruits, and seafood. Adding bacon as a topping to cheeseburgers is old news, but now we are seeing bacon-topped meatloaf, bacon-covered chicken wings, and deep-fried, bacon-wrapped bacon sprinkled on pork chops.”

To prove this point, let’s take a look at the top 5 Bacon Food Stuffs that take bacony-goodness to the next level.

Gummy Bacon

This is not really made out of bacon as it’s gummy candy made to resemble bacon. The idea of visually putting uncooked bacon in your mouth and then experiencing the taste & texture of gummy strawberry is disturbing to say the least. I’ve been given a package of Gummy Bacon, and I am not ashamed to say that I was too scared to eat it. I did not want to taint the idea of bacon in my head with this monstrosity of culinary science. A braver soul than I may be able to stomach the beast.

order Gummy Bacon

Baconnaise

I don’t like mayonnaise, but the idea of adding bacon to it makes a bit more palatable. The taste of bacon makes everything better, so I don’t see how this would be an exception. If it’s good enough to put mayonnaise on, it’s good enough to put bacon on! Though I wouldn’t necessarily hold the inverse to be true.

baconnaise.com

Bacon Salt

Add the flavor of bacon to any meal with a simple flick of the wrist. Bacon flavored salt is the easiest way to improve the flavor of your foods. Bacon-flavored french fries. Bacon-flavored popcorn! BACON-FLAVORED BACON! The culinary possibilities abound with bacon salt. If you can add a little bit of salt, then you can add a hint of bacon. Getting your sodium for the day never tasted so good.

baconsalt.com

Bacon Jam

Spreadable bacon. Did you ever think you’d see such an amazing food product. The first thing that comes to my mind: peanut butter & bacon sandwiches. Can you imagine a lunch-time offering that would make a child more popular in the schoolyard? You’ll probably need to pack your munchkin two: one for him or her, and one for the school bully who’ll undoubtedly want to jack such a succulent sounding meal. At $17 for an 8oz. jar, the stuff ain’t cheap, so you may want to make your own.

order bacon jam
make your own bacon jam

Bacon Candy Bar

Chocolate & bacon. Sweet & salty. Flavor combinations that may not sound too keen at first, but really play off of the palate. The packaging contains a lovely story about the creator’s love of bacon and chocolate and the story of how the two came to meet. If it were an eHarmony commercial, bacon and chocolate would match on 27 of their 29 dimensions of compatibility. Perhaps bacon & eggs are the only worthier couple in the bacoverse.

order Mo’s Milk Chocolate Bacon Bar

If you’ve been paying attention to the claims of the various media lobbying groups, you eventually come to realize that they are liars, have politicians in their back pockets, and are pretty much suing and greasing legislation that is trying to grab money from everybody from soccer moms to cell phone ringtone users. They’ve been twisting and warping interpretations of copyright laws to the point where copyright no longer serves the function for which is was created.

In this process, I’ve come to realize: I’ve never paid for music. I used to have an impressive CD & cassette tape collection thanks to memberships in BMG and Columbia House (10 CDs for a penny!). For all my life, when I’ve given money to music companies, I’ve been buying CDs and tapes, not the music on them. To prove the point, if I were to damage my CD, if I had bought the music then I should get a new CD; but I bought the physical CD, not the music on it, so damaged CD means I lose access to the music on it. Music has been free for consumers, we’ve only ever been purchasing the physical delivery mechanism. And music should be free for consumers.

In a digital world with infinite copying and marginal cost delivery methods, why should the dynamics of paying for music change? If I didn’t pay for music before the Internet, why should I start paying now? Music belongs to The People, and copyright is only supposed to grant a temporary monopoly while the artist creates their next artwork; copyright is not intended to construct concepts of ownership around the non-physical aspects of artwork.

There’s not just one of me. Well, there is physically one person that claims to be (as far as I know), but that one physical person holds many different shades of the spiritual person. Meaning, depending on who I’m interacting with, there are various aspects of me that come out. I am a completely different person when talking to Mercedes than I am with someone I just met. And both of them are me, just different sides of me.

Depending on who I’m talking to, there are various aspects of my personality and various sets of beliefs that I hold that I may choose to bring out. I can put on different faces for different situations and people. It’s not that any one of these faces are any less genuinely me than any other face, just that I don’t necessarily show every person every aspect of who I am. A business associate doesn’t need to know that I have an insatiable love for zombie stories and bacon; and social friends don’t always need to know that I make web pages for living, particularly since in real life social circles I’m usually surrounded by artists and not geeks. If I start using geek terminology, I get a wonderful response reminiscent of a deer frozen in the headlights of an on-coming truck. Neither ends well.

Different people see different sides of me, and thus can form differing opinions on who I am. Some people may hold a view of me in one regard, and others may hold a completely different view of me in another; and both would be correct. Who I am is not only evolving and changing over time, but there are so many aspects to me that people can see completely different sets or combinations.

There are some people I interact with that primarily or only see me in a negative light. Sometimes I’m that person in someone else’s day. Other times I misread someone and show the wrong face. To those people, that’s who I am; no matter how I behave the rest of my life, to the people with whom I have unfavorable interactions, those interactions will define their perceptions of me. As I move through this world, my actions cause ripples. Through the interactions I have both positive and negative, they have influence on other people’s days and so on. So I find trying to minimize the negative impact I have in others lives makes for a better world overall, not only in making good first impressions.

To extend this, the interactions I have with other people may not be a full representation of who they are. I could be seeing or experiencing but one side of a multi-dimensional person. Or they could just be having a bad day. It’s caused me to realize that my first impression of people may not always be accurate to who they normally are, or that in different situations where they are showing different aspects of their personalities I may feel differently about them. Usually, though, as long as the person is being genuine to who they are, any one facet of their personality gives you an insight into the core person and you can read the basis of who they are: if they’re trustworthy and a good person.

To some degree people can influence and shape other’s perspectives of them. The important part is to always be genuine to who you are, so that no matter which side of you people are seeing they are still a side of you. And within that side of you is a window into the heart of who you are. As such, I never trust anyone who feels like they’re showing a false face. As long as the person feels genuine then I feel I can trust them, it’s when they seem like they are not being themselves at all that one should worry because they’re attempting to manipulate the perceptions of them. Instead, you should surround yourself with people who expose themselves for who they are, and don’t bother with the people who are being who they think you want them to be.

One of the greatest aspects of Stargate to me, though it dates the show, are the pop culture references. Particularly O’Neill’s love of “The Simpsons”. I’ve counted three “Simpsons” references in “Stargate SG-1″’s run and Wikipedia enlightens us on a couple more in one episode. I’ve previously blogged about some of them, so I dug up the old posts.

On March 25, 2004 I wrote about Season 4 Episode 10 “Beneath the Surface”:

I noticed a Simpsons reference in Stargate SG-1 tonight. In the episode, ‘Beneath the Surface’, O’Neill, Carter, Daniel, and Teal’c were on this other planet and had their memories replaced, and they were trying to remember their real lives. O’Neill, when remembering someone, says:

“I remember something. There was a man. He’s bald and wears a short-sleeved shirt, and somehow he’s very important to me.”

So far, it sounds like he’s talking about General Hammond, who is bald, wears short-sleeved shirts, and is his General. But, then adds:

“I think his name is Homer.”

On Sept. 17, 2004 I noticed in Season 1 Episode 21 “Within the Serpent’s Grasp”:

Last night, watching Stargate SG-1 on Sci-fi, they showed the “Within the Serpent’s Grasp” episode, and there was yet another Simpsons reference, by Jack O’Neill …

Daniel: (staring at a huge floating sphere) Teal’c, What is this?
Teal’c: It is a Goa’uld long range visual communication device. Somewhat like your television, only much further advanced.
Jack: Mmm… Goa’uld TV…

Though, when looking up the reference, it seems the original line was “Ya think it gets Showtime?”, but was changed by the Sci-fi channel.

In an homage to Homer’s propensity for saying “Mmm … [insert possibly edible object name here]“.

I had previously noticed but not noted in Season 6 Episode 4 “Frozen” this next “Simpsons” reference by Jack O’Neill. Jack and Teal’c are with Hammond in his office when there is an off world activation alarm:

O’Neill: D’oh!
Teal’c: What is it O’Neill?
O’Neill: I forgot to tape the Simpsons!
Teal’c looks unimpressed
O’Neill: It’s important to me!

Lastly, according to Wikipedia in the Season 8 Episodes 19 & 20 “Moebius”:

O’Neill’s last line in “Moebius”, “Close enough” is an homage to The Simpsons episode “Treehouse of Horror V” that involves Homer Simpson time traveling and unintentionally making numerous changes to history; upon returning to a timeline where his family has snake tongues but everything else is otherwise normal, he says “eh, close enough”. In the same SG-1 episode, the name of O’Neill’s boat is “Homer”. This is one of several references to The Simpsons on Stargate SG-1, all centered around O’Neill. Incidentally, in the brief shot of O’Neill boat showing the name, the font used is the same font used extensively in The Simpsons.

In the episode O’Neill had mentioned in a recording from an alternate timeline that his pond didn’t have fish in it, but in the reality that exists there are, in fact, fish in his pond. This prompts the “close enough” line.

Are there any other “Simpsons” references in Stargate episodes I may have missed? Let me know in the comments.

If you manage to get a gig on a Star Trek show or movie, you have a plethora of working opportunities. Even beyond the possibility of your character reappearing through some anomaly, rift, or temporal disturbance, the make-up artists for Star Trek can easily plop on a new set of ears, forehead ridge, or hair line, and *poof* you’re a new character all-together! The Star Trek universe is rife with inter-species twins. It’s great for job security.

Let’s take a look at some of the more memorable repeat actors.

Robert Picardo … best known as The Doctor from “Star Trek: Voyager”
Also appeared as …
Dr. Lewis Zimmerman in an episode of “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine”
Emergency Medical Hologram in Star Trek: First Contact

Tim Russ … best known as Tuvok from “Star Trek: Voyager”
Also appeared as …
T’Kar in two episodes of “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine”
Enterprise-B Tactical Lieutenant in Star Trek: Generations
Devor in an episode of “Star Trek: The Next Generation”

Ethan Phillips … best known as Neelix from “Star Trek: Voyager”
Also appeared as …
Ulis in an episode of “Enterprise”
Holodeck Nightclub Maitre d’ in Star Trek: First Contact
Dr. Farek in an episode of “Star Trek: The Next Generation”

Robert Duncan McNeill … best known as Tom Parris from “Star Trek: Voyager”
Also appeared as …
Cadet First Class Nicholas Locarno in an episode of “Star Trek: The Next Generation”

Rene Auberjonois … best known as Odo from “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine”
Also appeared as …
Ezral in an episode of “Enterprise”
Colonel West in Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country

Armin Shimerman … best known as Quark from “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine”
Also appeared as Quark in …
a deleted scene in Star Trek: Insurrection
an episode of “Star Trek: Voyager”
Also appeared as …
DaiMon Bractor in an episode of “Star Trek: The Next Generation”

Brock Peters … best known as Joseph Sisko from “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine”
Also appeared as …
Admiral Cartwright in Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country
Admiral Cartwright previously in Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

Aron Eisenberg … best known as Nog from “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine”
Also appeared as …
Kar in an episode of “Star Trek: Voyager”

Vaughn Armstrong … best known as Admiral Maxwell Forrest from “Enterprise”
Also appeared as …
Alpha-Hirogen in 5 episodes of “Star Trek: Voyager”
Seskal in 3 episodes of “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine”
Captain Korris in an episode of “Star Trek: The Next Generation”

Gary Graham … best known as Vulcan Ambassador Soval from “Enterprise”
Also appeared as …
Tanis in an episode of “Star Trek: Voyager”

Jeffrey Combs … best known as Weyoun from “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine”
Also appeared as …
Commander Shran in 11 episodes of “Enterprise”
Penk in an episode of “Star Trek: Voyager”

J.G. Hertzler … best known as Martok from “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine”
Also appeared as …
Advocate Kolos in 2 episodes of “Enterprise”
Hirogen Hunter in an episode of “Star Trek: Voyager”

Marc Alaimo … best known as Gul Dukat from “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine”
Also appeared as …
Badar N’D'D in 4 episodes of “Star Trek: The Next Generation”

Max Grodénchik … best known as Rom from “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine”
Also appeared as …
Alien ensign in deleted scenes from Star Trek: Insurrection
Par Lenor in two episodes of “Star Trek: The Next Generation”

And don’t even get me started on the number of actors who moved from Star Trek to Stargate episodes. Though “Stargate SG-1″ takes the proverbial cake with having the same actor playing different characters with prominent speaking roles within one series in back-to-back seasons.

If you don’t agree with a law, as a jury member, you can find a person Not Guilty because you believe the law is bad. That is the purpose of a jury trial: to decide not if a person did it, but if the person should be punished for it. It’s the fundamental difference between a judge & and a jury trial. A judge’s job is to rule based on law, a jury’s job is to decide based on the situation. And if the situation is that the law in question is a bad law and people shouldn’t go to prison for it … then the jury has the right to base their judgment on that and let the person go free, even if the person is guilty by the letter of the law.

The problem is that judges around the country aren’t allowing defense lawyers to even mention jury nullification to juries under threat of contempt of court charges. In many cases, lawyers aren’t even allowed to challenge the legality of the law at all (such as in income tax or drug prohibition related charges). While prosecutors are allowed to lie directly to juries and tell them it is their responsibility to judge based on the “letter of the law”, defense attorneys aren’t even allowed to mention the names of the jury’s rights such as “jury nullification”.

So, if you get called for jury duty, feel honored, you may have an opportunity to take a stand against bad government policy. But please, get to know your rights as a juror before you walk into the courtroom, because the lawyers are interested in getting you to side with their arguments … not give you a free law school grad course in juror’s rights. Take it upon yourself to get informed and don’t believe the hogwash.

A Primer for Prospective Jurors:

One form of activism I’ve been thinking about participating in is passing out brochures like the one above to people appearing for jury duty one morning. Since everybody gets there around the same time to report, it’s a quick & easy method of activism that could open some eyes. The jury is the last stand of the average citizen against tyranny of government without taking up arms.

For more information on your rights as a juror, check out the Fully Informed Jury Association.

News Flash: Humans are not the first dominant species on the planet. We are not even the first dominant species on the planet that has caused a global mass extinction.

There are have been several mass extinctions in Earth’s history, to the point where 99% of the species that have ever lived are now extinct. Many of the earlier mass extinctions were caused by Mother Earth herself when super-volcanoes and other large scale eruptions caused climate change or changes in oceanic or atmospheric composition. Some have been extra-terrestrial, when a comet or asteroid impacts with the Earth causing similar issues. And there have been at least two instances where organisms on the planet have nearly wiped out all other life – humans are only responsible for the second time.

As we walk a little battered and bruised into the 21^st Century, we need to look forward. For all of human civilization, which has been for the blink of a celestial eye, all of our eggs have been in one basket. A single event could end our species’ branch on the tree of life for good, leaving a world for cats to inherit and evolve into. It is important that we plant the seeds of human life throughout our solar system, galaxy, and Universe. For in a mere 5-7 billion years, our solar system will go through menopause, and the inner solar system will take the brunt of the heat flashes; one of the gaseous giants’ moons will be a likely refuge spot or simply being in another system entirely watching from the distance. At the rate NASA gets the budget to do anything anymore, we need all the time we can get to get cracking on that answer (if only I had any say in how my tax money is spent … I’d stop support for killing Muslims and put that towards building colonies on other planets).

But before we get to that point, there are a host of other possibilities that could make us long for having the breathing room associated with billions of years of planning. Some of them are internal: our planet is not unchanging nor does it regard us as anything special; and others are external: the Ort Cloud may have a giant snowball with its sights already set on us. As it stands now, our species’ survival is directly linked to the sustainability of one blue dot in an ever expanding Universe. Those are crappy odds.

So, what can kill us?

Super-Volcanoes
You’ve heard of volcanoes. They shape the landscape, bury cities, and create countries. There’s a class of them hundreds and thousands times more powerful than the normal ones you’re used to, and they go off fairly infrequently. The closest one (for Americans), you’ve probably heard of and maybe even stood inside of: Yellowstone National Park. Yes, all of Yellowstone is a volcano, a super-volcano, and as Old Faithful erupts in a gush of water at regular intervals so does the entirety of the park. And it’s time for it to go off any day now. An eruption of Yellowstone would blanket a third of the United States in several feet of ash, block the sun with clouds of dust for a decade, and pretty much make life sucky for the a lot of people for quite a while. And Yellowstone is but one of several super-volcanoes around the world.

Comet/Asteroid
Forget Hollywood’s attempts at showing how pure moxie and modern technology are going to be able to save us from an impact with a comet or asteroid. More than likely we wouldn’t see it coming until it was too late. Even as recently as this last July, Jupiter got hit with something, and it took an amateur astronomer with a backyard telescope noticing that the gas giant looked a bit different before anyone noticed. A comet or asteroid impacted with Jupiter, and our astronomers didn’t know there was a drunk driver in the neighborhood, let alone that Jupiter was in any danger of getting a new blemish. A blemish that the Earth could cozily nestle inside of for warmth if things get too cold one night. The possibility of a Earth-destined death ball in space is very real, that we wouldn’t even see it coming even more so, and banking on Bruce Willis and a killer soundtrack saving us at the last second is grounds for a “you got what you deserved”.

Global Warming/Cooling
Discount for a second the cause: human-actions, solar event, polar shifts, impact with a celestial body. But a climate shift in either direction caused by any means will spell disaster for us. Global warming causing the melting of the ice caps will alter ocean currents, submerge island groups and coastal cities, and alter the rain cycles. Global cooling can drain the planet of drinkable water by locking it in the polar ice caps, create a new ice age, and cause another human population bottleneck. The sun may be going through an activity slow down, the Earth’s poles may be about to shift; the possibility of a global temperature change that we aren’t responsible for is very real. Several mass extinctions were caused by temperature change one way or another long before the first humans stepped out of Africa; humans have already survived two ice ages and a cool down, but at the expense of extensive population loss. The next time we not be so lucky.

Disease
The Black Death killed almost a quarter of the world’s population. Today, with an ever increasingly connected world of transcontinental jets and the globalization of workforces, diseases can travel farther and faster than ever before. We see it already with colds and flues that are crossing the globe at an increasing pace due to the proliferation of air travel. A plague with a long enough incubation period could infect thousands of people who would than spoke out into the world to infect numerous communities before Patient Zero even sniffles. Microbes are responsible for a previous mass extinction when the Earth’s atmosphere contained little oxygen and the oceans were tinted red; then a microscopic organism that photosynthesized and produced free oxygen completely changed the oceanic and atmospheric chemical composition that choked off almost all the species in the world at the time. So, even the smallest of organisms can cause world wide change.

Technology
There’s the always the possibility that human progression could be our own undoing. Through any number of technological misuses could result in a drastic reduction in human population numbers. A failing power system would have cataclysmic repercussions; a rogue missile could instigate an international misunderstanding that could cause a chain reaction of retaliations that would leave only Switzerland left; or future technologies (like nanotech) could be mis-implemented or maliciously deployed to destroy society. Never before have a small group of individuals been able to impact such large segments of the population. That may not be a good thing.

Zombies
Zombies are always a threat. Never let your guard down.

Aliens
Another species of intelligent creatures could transcend the stars and come upon our temperate, wet world. Maybe they want to make Earth their summer home. Maybe we’re dropping property values in this section of the galaxy. Whatever the reason, if another species is able to make its way here, it’s probably more than capable of killing every person on this planet with little resistance. What’re we going to do? Send up Jeff Goldblum with a MacBook Pro & a bad case of allergies and hope either their computer or immune systems don’t have anti-virus protection? Not likely.

God
Lastly, we’ll mentioned that an omnipotent being decides its curtains for mankind. There’s not much to be done here, other than hope on which interpretation of the Bible or other Holy Book ends up being correct. In some tales, everyone will die, in others only those who God chooses are taken to Heaven leaving everyone else behind. In the latter, at least all the religious zealots would be gone and peace on Earth will finally prevail, and those religious fanatics left will be less influential because who’s going to take them seriously anymore? God didn’t. I find it best to worry about this one the least. I didn’t much care for cliques in high school, and 11 years later I’m still not very interested in them.

The best defense to most of these scenarios is to have an emergency plan and a back-up planet or two. A secondary home, or refugee camp if you will, to escape to should anything happen to our primary residence. Right now, if the Earth goes, so does every human alive in the Universe. We need diversification. We need a planetary evacuation plan, and somewhere to go if things get too messy here. There are plenty of places nearby in our own solar system to start with: our own moon, Mars, possibly even Venus, Saturn’s moon Titan, or one of Jupiter’s moons like Europa, Callisto, or Ganymede. After a sprinkling of colonies throughout our own solar system through terraforming and biodomes, we can begin to set our sites outward toward other solar systems and then other galaxies.

There are numerous threats to the long-term survival of mankind. Our own sun has a ticking countdown timer already on it, though our wake-up call isn’t for a few more billion years. We are and have been living on a very tenuous line banking that Earth’s environment continues to maintain its balance that supports our livelihood. That balance can easily be thrown out of whack, and with it goes our comfortable home. And if we have nowhere else to go, then there goes us.

Personally, I think it’s time we start looking to the sky and updating our passports.

So, for the next part in the digging up old entries series, here’s a look at my zombie thinking a couple years ago. From March 20, 2004, a post titled “Things I’ve Learned from Zombie Movies“:

If zombies ever did start taking over the world, first, I would hope to at least be home rather than trapped somewhere, like on the subway or in a movie theater where escape would be next to impossible. Since most of my time is spent at home, this would more than likely be true.

I would assume zombies, if they really did start taking over, would be the slower, stupid zombies, not the quick, agile zombies, because theoretically, they’re animated dead people. Their bodies would still, presumably, start to go through rigor mortis, so their muscles would start tightening and they wouldn’t be so quick and flexible. Also, it doesn’t seem their bodies would be able to produce enough energy to maintain such activities.

So, we’ll discount the newer track star zombies, and focus, instead, on the classic, old-person-shuffling zombies. Now, I bring you the …

Alan Has Been Thinking of Zombies Way Too Much List:

1. Pick the person you like the least. When the zombies are closin’ in on you, shoot that person in the leg and leave them as a diversion while you run away. If you feel bad, shoot them in the head when the zombies start eating them alive. I call this the Roommate Rule.

2. Once you get bit, I’m shootin’ you in the head immediately. No ifs ands or buts. I call this the I’m-sorry,-I-love-you-honey,-but-I-have-to-shoot-you-in-the-head Rule.

3. If you ain’t got nothin’ else to do, might as well kill some zombies. Don’t just sit around and talk to people. Get your ass out there and take out some fuckin’ zombies! I call this the My New Full-time Job Rule.

4. Stick to the sticks. Cities equal higher concentration of zombies. Yeah, there’s more zombies to kill, but too easy to get overwhelmed. Better to pace the zombie killin’. I call this the Fourth Rule.

5. Two words: Zombie Death Mobile. I call this the Bruce Campbell is God Rule.

I would say those rules are still pretty golden. They’ve gotten me through some tough times, and I know they will become true words of wisdom for the Zombie Age. Only time will tell …

Sometimes, TV shows can be accurately described by taking two other ideas and tossing a joining word, like “meets”, in between the titles or concept descriptions … other times you can simply fill in an ad lib-style plot description. Here is one ad lib plot that will be used to explain three different TV shows:

The main character is a ____ uproots his family and moves to a small town, ____, filled with ____ people to take ____ job. He reports to ____ and with the help of ____ must solve which ____ is responsible for the strange goings-on.

EERIE INDIANA
The main character is a (young boy whose father) uproots his family and moves to a small town, (Eerie, IN), filled with (strange) people to take (a new) job. He reports to (his parents) and with the help of (his best friend) must solve which (eerie person or phenomenon) is responsible for the strange goings-on.

MANHATTAN, AZ
The main character is a (LA vice officer who) uproots his family and moves to a small town, (Manhattan, AZ), filled with (eccentric) people to take (the town sheriff) job. He reports to (an ex-actor turned mayor) and with the help of (an Area 61 Air Force guard) must solve which (conspiracy theory surrounding Area 61) is responsible for the strange goings-on.

EUREKA
The main character is a (federal officer who) moves to a small town, (Eureka), filled with (brilliant) people to take (the town sheriff) job. He reports to (the head of Global Dynamics) and with the help of (his deputy) must solve which (science experiment at GD) is responsible for the strange goings-on.

They’re all good shows, but there is a strong sense of parallels between the shows. Particularly the connections between Manhattan AZ & Eureka are eerie.

“Eerie Indiana” is available on DVD.
“Manhattan, AZ” is available on Hulu
“Eureka” is available on Syfy, Hulu, and DVD

So far Eureka has the longest legs, if only because it is the only one of these shows to last more than a single season. So, if you enjoy Eureka, be sure to catch the older shows that broke ground and created a formula for Eureka to stand on.

And here’s my pitch using the same plot outline:

Alan Gerow Presents…

SPOOKY, OH
The main character is a (software engineer who) uproots his family and moves to a small town, (Spooky, OH), filled with (elderly) people to take (a temporary mortuary) job. He reports to (the town sheriff) and with the help of (the ghost of his dead son) must solve which (recently deceased townsfolk) is responsible for the strange goings-on.

It’s “The Sixth Sense” meets “Night of the Living Dead”!