Alan’s Blog of Monkey Bloginess

Did you ever want to control the forces of life & death? The Kandarian Book of the Dead is a good place to start. As shown in The Evil Dead trilogy, the Necronomicon has the ability to open the gates between Earth and Hell. What better for a little light weekend reading? But do you know Kandarian?

Have no fear, for I have translated this ancient text from the original Kandarian to modern day English without all the mucking about in the woods and falling victim to demonic possession. The alphabet is different, but remarkably Kandarian uses similar words and sentence structures as English. Below you’ll find an iPaper with the original Kandarian and modern day English translations from the Necronomicon.

Just, please, read with your eyes, not with your lips. Whatever you do: Do not read aloud.

I had originally translated these texts back in January of ‘03, but in the past 6 and a half years the original translation has been lost. I’ve dug up the original archeological photographs and retranslated the ancient texts.

Here’s what I said regarding my first go-round with translating the Necronomicon back on Feb. 2nd, 2003:

I got the Book of the Dead edition of the Evil Dead DVD from my cousin for $12.50 … and I was looking through the book it came in (that is a replica of the actual Book of the Dead made for the movie), and there’s weird writing through it. I figured out it is normal English with a different character set. So, I figured out the alphabet, and translated what the Book of the Dead said.

Some of it is really funny.

Get your own copy of the Book of the Dead!

See larger image The Evil Dead (Book Of The Dead Limited Edition) (DVD) Starring: Bruce Campbell, Sam Raimi Rating: NC-17 List Price: $49.98 USD New From: $22.99 In Stock Used From: $7.99 In Stock Released March 5, 2002.

If you don’t agree with a law, as a jury member, you can find a person Not Guilty because you believe the law is bad. That is the purpose of a jury trial: to decide not if a person did it, but if the person should be punished for it. It’s the fundamental difference between a judge & and a jury trial. A judge’s job is to rule based on law, a jury’s job is to decide based on the situation. And if the situation is that the law in question is a bad law and people shouldn’t go to prison for it … then the jury has the right to base their judgment on that and let the person go free, even if the person is guilty by the letter of the law.

The problem is that judges around the country aren’t allowing defense lawyers to even mention jury nullification to juries under threat of contempt of court charges. In many cases, lawyers aren’t even allowed to challenge the legality of the law at all (such as in income tax or drug prohibition related charges). While prosecutors are allowed to lie directly to juries and tell them it is their responsibility to judge based on the “letter of the law”, defense attorneys aren’t even allowed to mention the names of the jury’s rights such as “jury nullification”.

So, if you get called for jury duty, feel honored, you may have an opportunity to take a stand against bad government policy. But please, get to know your rights as a juror before you walk into the courtroom, because the lawyers are interested in getting you to side with their arguments … not give you a free law school grad course in juror’s rights. Take it upon yourself to get informed and don’t believe the hogwash.

A Primer for Prospective Jurors:

One form of activism I’ve been thinking about participating in is passing out brochures like the one above to people appearing for jury duty one morning. Since everybody gets there around the same time to report, it’s a quick & easy method of activism that could open some eyes. The jury is the last stand of the average citizen against tyranny of government without taking up arms.

For more information on your rights as a juror, check out the Fully Informed Jury Association.